the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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