At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I understand Curling. That high.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
