I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize