Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
