I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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