I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i believe in u and ur pee
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
