We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
