Even the bartender felt bad for me
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I can't put those talents on a resume
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
