the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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