You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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