Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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