mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
