I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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