My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
