she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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