Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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