I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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