I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
