By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
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