It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
