I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
