btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
