i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
