and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
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I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
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I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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