And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
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I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
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Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.