I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed