I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.