I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Couch. On fire.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
