I can text with my tongue
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize