I can text with my tongue
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
