OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
