hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
