she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
