i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I need a beard to bite.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
