Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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