A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just had sex bonerless
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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