you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
40s are totally the cure
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
