There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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