I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
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almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
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My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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