She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
