note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
