I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
