You smell like a Billy Joel song
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize