Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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