It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
