I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
