I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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