i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
