Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
