I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed