I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.