I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.