Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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