Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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