Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just had sex bonerless
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
