she was so not down for the gang bang
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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