I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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