I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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