We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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