yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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