I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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