Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize